I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
