Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
