he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
