Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
