I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
