yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
