Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
