You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
