Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
