I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Text me some of your sweat
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
