I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
