Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
