He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
