a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
