A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
