Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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