So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
