So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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