it hurts more in the daytime
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
