woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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