1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
