just come out here and I will go home with you...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
