You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
