I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
