you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
