I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And then my night got REAL pukey
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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