I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
