he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
