Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
