fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize