I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
