Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
