you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
