Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
