Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
