i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The power of my boobs compel you
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
