matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
