mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
