I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
