I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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