I met the friendliest cop last night
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
