no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
