exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
