I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
