Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
