he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
