Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
