I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
