everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
