Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
