What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I said "one day" and that day is not today
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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