10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
