i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
