So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
