We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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