so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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