i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
