Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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