Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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