Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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