Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
