I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Help. Why am I so naked?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
