Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
