Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
