Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
farters have to be the big spoon...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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