You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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