Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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