My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
