Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
