so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
so much tequila, so little girl.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
