Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
