Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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