Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
