He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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