Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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