if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
