I can text with my tongue
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
