are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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