Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
