Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
