I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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