I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
