Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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