toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
