just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
