Tell her she can't have a vagina
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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