five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
