sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
