I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
