Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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