waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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