There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
3pm strippers are depressing
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
