I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
