He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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