Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
3 2 1 whiskey
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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