this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
