Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
