A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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