Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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