Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
