i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
