Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The uberlube is also flammable
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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