he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
