distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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