operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
