So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
