My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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