did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
