Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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